turmoil

By being at home, I am actually fed more. This is bad. I wanted to lose weight but I might end up gaining more. Sigh.

My family is in turmoil. I don't show it, but it is. I have no idea what to do. Sometimes, I want people to know but yet I don't want them to be bothered by it. It's like a dumb conflict with myself. Anyway the problem belongs to the previous generation, but somehow it's affecting my family a lot. I would take the matter into my own hands, but yeah the older generation will never trust 'kids' like us. Sometimes, I wonder do I have to start a family and stop living at this house for them to start treating me like an adult? I am going to be 24 this year. That's pretty much a quarter of my life, if I am lucky. But no sometimes I will just take orders from everyone else and just follow blindly. I guess I don't really have a say either.

I finally started work, and went for a swim. It's pretty nice and relaxing to swim, just that swimming puts you in a tranquil state and thoughts start pouring as if the water brings them in through the ears. I am currently satisfied with the state I am in, but I really wish I have a grasp on what's going to happen in the future. I can't help feeling like a spare tyre at times. Then again, it's probably just this adjustment period. I haven't announced widely to everyone, just to a few close friends whom are willing to listen a little. It kind of sucks not being in control of your life. Must I always be waiting on you all my life?

Studies is.. boring, as usual. I managed to start writing the group reflection essay. Got three pages out of the first attempt, that's not too bad right? But yeah I got stuck and decided to leave it to the rest. This semester turned out to be extremely lonely. And it made me realised that it might have been a wrong decision not to keep a few friends of my own in NTU. Oh wells, have been a lone wolf before, so I guess shall just revert back to that being for now.

I really really want to upload the Eldar videos. But something somehow stops me from doing that. Of course there's the issue of the upload limit, but yeah. We haven't meet since Year 1 Sem 1. I find it a little.. sad that we just broke off like that. Oh wells. Shall not keep ranting on it.

Alright, it's gonna be the start of week 6 soon. Good luck peeps.