sucks
All along after being through JC , I developed certain traits and done certain things in my life that I am really proud of. Despite that pride, I have learnt to stay humble and continue my way of life in my own World. Hence, I have gained a vast amount of inner confidence to keep doing the things I deemed right.
Ying was telling me I had a hell of a 2 months since the start of University, and really, I don't have any evidence to deny that claim. And now, it's the recess week and all. I don't like showing myself as weak to a lot of people, because I want people to feel comfortable with me, and making them feel comfortable is already half of the job done. I am rather exhausted, although I hate to admit it, but that isn't stopping me from doing what I like to do.
And really, what I really want in life, is my loved ones feeling happy and everything. I know happy is an ambiguous emotion and a vague state of life, but you people know what I mean. It doesn't really matter how much I do, as long as it has a little effect.
In the end, it still boils down to the fact that I am limited by something called 'Human Abilities'. Despite trying so hard in many things I do, sometimes things just doesn't work out right. I know I shouldn't expect immediate results but still, I am Human. Instant gratification is a hugh form of reward. Hey, you are right. I am Human. So maybe I should just wake up my God damn idea and stay as a Human, stop overestimating my capabilities and in return displease myself. Even though I know how much this will conflict with my principles and code of conduct, I will stop killing myself this way, like how some of you deemed it to be.
I know my English isn't fantastic, and half of you people reading might be scratching your head and wondering what this is all about. Really, if you don't understand, obviously, it's purposefully made this way. Don't ask why and try to interfere as if you know what is happening. And for everyone's sake, leave my loved ones alone. If not, get ready to face me.
That being said, that bugger from Eldar has been irritating me all week long. It probably doesn't take more than a little spark next time, to see some explosion within me. I don't care if I remain the good guy or not.
I don't fucking care. I want to give up.
Ying was telling me I had a hell of a 2 months since the start of University, and really, I don't have any evidence to deny that claim. And now, it's the recess week and all. I don't like showing myself as weak to a lot of people, because I want people to feel comfortable with me, and making them feel comfortable is already half of the job done. I am rather exhausted, although I hate to admit it, but that isn't stopping me from doing what I like to do.
And really, what I really want in life, is my loved ones feeling happy and everything. I know happy is an ambiguous emotion and a vague state of life, but you people know what I mean. It doesn't really matter how much I do, as long as it has a little effect.
In the end, it still boils down to the fact that I am limited by something called 'Human Abilities'. Despite trying so hard in many things I do, sometimes things just doesn't work out right. I know I shouldn't expect immediate results but still, I am Human. Instant gratification is a hugh form of reward. Hey, you are right. I am Human. So maybe I should just wake up my God damn idea and stay as a Human, stop overestimating my capabilities and in return displease myself. Even though I know how much this will conflict with my principles and code of conduct, I will stop killing myself this way, like how some of you deemed it to be.
I know my English isn't fantastic, and half of you people reading might be scratching your head and wondering what this is all about. Really, if you don't understand, obviously, it's purposefully made this way. Don't ask why and try to interfere as if you know what is happening. And for everyone's sake, leave my loved ones alone. If not, get ready to face me.
That being said, that bugger from Eldar has been irritating me all week long. It probably doesn't take more than a little spark next time, to see some explosion within me. I don't care if I remain the good guy or not.
I don't fucking care. I want to give up.
Comments